


Lie To Me

by Ierosmyhero



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance, bands - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 10:02:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1644752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ierosmyhero/pseuds/Ierosmyhero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everybody knows that you shouldn't fall in love with your best friend, but sometimes you can't help it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lie To Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic I wrote a while back, it was for a friend of mine and this was my first attempt at smut/angst. I didn't really get the whole "chapter" thing either.....

Falling in love with your best friend was one of those things you only really hear about in movies. It was the kind of thing you roll your eyes at and wave away. Frank never thought he’d have that problem. After all, when they had just met as little kids, Gerard had meant a lot to him, but he never realized quite how much it was until later.

All he had known at the time – and he had been only six – was he liked Gerard. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t noticed as he went through elementary school that he didn’t seem to like girls the way other guys did. The others would always go about, calling them pretty. Frank supposed it was true, but it was more the thing he’d agree with, not notice. Then again, no guys ever stuck out to him either. It had always been him and Gerard, and that was perfectly fine with him.

He had been nine the first time he had started to doubt his sexuality. It was the first time he had heard the word ‘gay’. He had gone home to his parents to hear the stereotypical, “Well, you know how a guy and a girl sometimes like each other? That can happen with two boys or two girls too” speech. And for the first time in his life, Frank had asked himself how exactly he liked Gerard.

There had been moments where they had gotten into fights over stupid, little things after that. Frank had tried avoiding him, scared of what he was finding out. The way his heart would flutter sometimes when Gerard would lean over and hug him or the small surge of jealousy he felt when Gerard would talk about his latest crush – it all seemed suddenly striking. Frank wasn’t sure exactly how to handle it.

Still, he had never told Gerard. When asked about his crushes, he had become accustomed to simply lying. Hannah, Ally, Jennifer, Maggie – he’d lose track and list another. His friends would tease him about the way he’d go from one to the next as if flipping through channels. Frank endured it, managing a smile and a laugh. After all, it made things easier to lie.

He gritted his teeth through Gerard’s first girlfriend – Lauren – trying to be happy for him. And his second one, Lisa. And his third, Jordan. And even his fourth, Elaine. They had gone to high school at some point in between them, and soon the others started teasing Gerard that he was pulling a Frank the way he went through them.

There was pain and heartbreak involved, as there was with every relationship that was filed under the category of never-going-to-happen. It wasn’t until that game of truth or dare that something happened. And after it happened, Frank knew it would be one of those moments he’d look back to for the rest of his life.

oOoOoOoOo

“Oh, Frank’s turn!” Frank grinned, pulling back the bottle of beer. He grimaced at the bitter taste and leaned back against the wall.

“Alright, I’ll go with a dare then.” It was one of the Warbler parties. Naturally, that meant an abundance of alcohol and a variety of games.

Ray bit on his lower lip, his brow furrowing. “I don’t know.” It took a moment more before he finally decided with a small smirk, “I think you should kiss Gerard. Properly, I mean. Or – how about – kiss him for three minutes with tongue.”

Frank suddenly felt as if his chest didn’t provide adequate room for him to breathe properly. It wasn’t as if the group hadn’t pulled this sort of a dare on each other before. At one point he had even had to kiss Wes, an incident both of them pretended to have never happened. Kissing Gerard, however, was a completely different matter.

“Well, come on,” Mikey egged on, laughing.

“These dares aren’t fair,” Gerard complained as Frank edged himself forward, feeling heat rise at his neck. “I mean, I’m involved in it too, and it isn’t – like – my dare.” Frank had imagined kissing Gerard before, but never with him complaining this much.

“You two are ridiculous. Just kiss already,” Bob said, laughing. “You’re like a little girl, Gerard.” Frank reached out, his hand shaking, and gently laid it against Gerard’s cheek before leaning in and closing the final few centimeters. For a moment, everything got drowned out. All he could feel were Gerard’s lips, decidedly chapped, against his. Tentatively, Frank opened his mouth, his tongue reaching out. It traced Gerard’s lower lip, and he groaned quietly as he tasted the alcohol permeate the kiss.

His tongue pushed past, tracing Gerard’s mouth, mapping it out and memorizing every dip for later on when he knew he’d replay this moment over and over. Shuddering, he felt Gerard’s tongue, and his hand slipped down to Gerard’s neck, pushing them slightly closer. He could feel Gerard’s hair brush against his fingers, and he pulled back slightly, kneading Gerard’s lower lip between his teeth.

Gerard just chuckled, his tongue reaching out, wrestling with Frank’s and pushing back. The kiss was rougher than Frank would’ve imagined, and he eventually let himself fall back. Gerard’s tongue now slowly repeated the same patterns Frank’s had, and it traced Frank’s teeth slowly. A hand slipped upwards into Frank’s hair, and he pulled lightly. For a moment, they lay there, their lips barely touching as they took unsteady breaths.

Then it was over.

Gerard drew back, giving a satisfied sound. “You enjoyed that, Frankie, didn’t you?” Frank knew better than to respond honestly, though his hands were still trembling and his throat still seemed constricted.

“Oh, please. I wasn’t the one who grabbed your hair.” Gerard rolled his eyes at that, and they turned back to see the guy’s laughing faces.

“We’re going to tell Natalie,” Mikey teased, though there was no threat in his voice.

Oh, right, Natalie. She was Gerard’s newest girlfriend, and so far the longest. Gerard launched himself across the room at Mikey, punching him lightly.

“If you do, every embarrassing moment I’ve ever caught on video will be on Facebook, Raymond Toro!” They tackled each other and the others cheered them on and laughed in their alcohol-induced haze. Only Frank slinked back, unnoticed by the others, his tongue slowly running over his lips.

oOoOoOoOo

After that, things were bad. For a while, Gerard avoided him. Somehow, he’d always manage to sneak into the room before Frank, and whenever Frank would try to talk to him, Gerard would pretend that he was asleep. It didn’t fool Frank. Gerard’s breathing was often too shallow, and Frank noticed the way he stiffened up slightly whenever he heard his name.

More than that, Gerard stopped hopping in his bed and curling up around him. Or messing with his hair. Or even teasing him. Gerard seemed determined to make them drift apart. Frank wasn’t sure he could take that. He might not have been able to have Gerard as anything more than a friend but he wasn’t going to let Gerard screw that up either.

oOoOoOoOo

“Did I do something wrong?” Gerard froze for a moment before shrugging his shoulders and walking towards his bed.

“I’m tired, Frank. We’ll talk about this some other time.” He had been hearing that a lot recently. Reaching out, he grabbed Gerard’s arm, yanking him away towards his bed.

“No. We’re going to talk about this now.” Gerard stumbled backwards, falling against him, and Frank seemed to stop mid-breath. After glaring for a moment, Gerard pulled himself off.

“What is your problem? I’m going to go to bed.”

“We’ve been friends since kindergarten. You really want one stupid kiss we got dared to do to erase that all?” Frank asked while staying rooted to the ground, his arms crossing over his chest. Of course, to him, it was far more than a stupid kiss, but no matter… Gerard seemed to consider it for a moment before he turned around.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Though he attempted a voice of contempt, this time his voice was lighter.

“Oh, really?” Frank cocked an eyebrow, and Gerard collapsed backward on the bed, sighing and curling up.

“I don’t know. We actually kissed. Like it wasn’t just our lips were touching, but we had our tongues down each other’s throats.” Frank didn’t need reminding. The thought had been circulating through his mind since it had happened.

“But we were drunk. I mean, that kiss won’t redefine our friendship,” Frank muttered, sitting beside Gerard and wrapping an arm around him. Gerard leaned into him, and Frank did all he could to keep from sighing. This felt better.

“But they won’t stop teasing me.” Frank had noticed that too. Other than Mikey, they had joked around a bit about it, saying that the two of them seemed too into the kiss. Frank simply tried to ignore them and push back the weird sort of feeling he’d get in his chest every time they’d say that.

“They’re idiots. What do you expect? The same thing happened when Bob kissed Mikey or when Ray and I kissed. It’s just silly, and you’re giving them a reaction.” He reached out, he slowly laid a hand on top of Gerard’s, and trying to keep steady as Gerard snuggled in more against his shoulder.

“I know. It’s just… you’re my friend, and trying to think about you any other way makes me feel all queasy. It just isn’t right.” Frank shut his eyes, trying to imagine he hadn’t heard that – willing it to fade away from his memories.

“Yeah,” he said his voice hollow. “It just isn’t right.”

oOoOoOoOo

Time passed. Junior and senior year were both eventless. Frank learned to cope with everything. He had his first girlfriend. It wasn’t that he was afraid of coming out because of Belleville or ashamed of who he was. He simply couldn’t bear to have Gerard know. If a simple kiss had managed to put a strain on their relationship, then knowing the truth would only be disastrous.

In any case, the girl, Jamia turned out to be nice. They would kiss and hold hands. But Frank never felt the same feeling of helplessness and warmth and fear and joy – all the conflicting emotions that had made it so wonderful to kiss Gerard. Still, it was nice pretending that things were normal for once. He ended up dating Jamia for five months before one day she confronted him about it, saying how she noticed that he never seemed truly interested in her. She never yelled at him or accused him; she simply told him the truth and broke it off as cleanly as possible. And, for that, Frank was grateful.

Graduation came by sooner than it should have. He was going to University of Chicago to study biology. Gerard was going to Harvard, and he was leaning towards the idea of doing law. Ray and Bob had already graduated, and Mikey was off to New York with Alicia – off for a bright future as it seemed. It was odd knowing that within a few months, they wouldn’t be seeing each other every day and singing. His time for being a Warbler had come to an end finally.

oOoOoOoOo

Normally at this age, they would’ve been ashamed to cry. Yet graduation sort of called for tears; it was a necessary part of the process. Frank felt the arms around him squeeze, and his chest was crushed. “I’m going to miss you so much, Frankie.” Gerard only called him that on occasion now. Frank nodded, sniffling.

“But we’re going to keep in touch, right?” he managed to squeak out, still finding it rather difficult to breath. Gerard wasn’t letting go anytime soon by the looks of it. Rib-shattering or not, it was nice to feel Gerard so close to him. Still, it scared him to think that after this summer, this sort of a thing wasn’t going to happen, at least not for a while.

“Of course, you dunderhead,” Gerard said, ruffling his hair. “As if I’d let a few miles come between us.” Frank felt his eyes prickle, and he pulled back, wiping his sleeve over them.

“But Natalie –“The two of them had finally broken up about a month ago because they felt they couldn’t do a long-distance relationship.

“She hasn’t known me since I used to draw ducks on my tape because I thought that made it stronger.” Frank laughed through his tears, and pulled back.

“That’s what those were? I was always trying to figure it out.” Gerard’s hand reached out, and he entwined his fingers with Frank’s.

“You’re my best friend, Frankie. I couldn’t ever forget you.” Gerard’s eyes were puffy and red though he had stopped crying. Frank held onto Gerard’s hand more tightly.

“Have you two finally gotten together?” Ray joked, coming up from behind them and resting an arm on either shoulder. Both of them rolled their eyes.

“You guys never know when to drop it,” Gerard muttered, though he chuckled quietly. Reaching out, he weakly hit Ray on the arm. Bob jogged up to them as well, and Alicia and Mikey came too, hand-in-hand and leaning against each other. Frank felt a pang of jealousy, and immediately felt guilt. For all the luck the two of them had, there had been some horrible moments as well.

“Belleville High class of 2012!” Their principal screamed into the microphone. High school truly was over. Their time together was officially done.

oOoOoOoOo

Gerard and Frank acted like they were glued together for the rest of the summer. Frank wasn’t sure if he ever got such little sleep. Occasionally they hang out with the others as well, and all of them would laugh and pretend like it was any other summer – like the beginning of the school year didn’t mean something new and different.

When they finally went off to college, Frank and Gerard tried calling or e-mailing each other every day. After a week and a half, that became too much of a hassle. They still managed to talk every once in a while, but mostly they stuck to an occasional Facebook message or text. It wasn’t enough to really keep in touch. At times Frank sat staring at his phone feeling lonely.

On top of that, Frank’s roommate, Ryan, was irritating. He tended to blast music while studying, claiming it helped him concentrate. He also already had his group of friends, and wanted nothing to do with Frank. Everyone once in w while, Ryan would complain about how he should have just roomed with his friends. Frank wholeheartedly agreed.

Still, the classes were interesting, and he found himself oftentimes distracted with work until eleven or even midnight. He made new friends, but he still missed Gerard. The other boy hadn’t come home for Thanksgiving, so it wasn’t until winter break that he got to see him again.

oOoOoOoOo

“Gerard!” Frank threw himself at Gerard, and his eyes closed as he felt two arms wrap around him. Gerard’s hair was slightly longer than usual, and Frank felt it tickle his nose as he buried his head in Gerard’s shoulder. They stayed like that, clutching each other in the Starbucks parking lot. Tiny puffs of white formed above them as they breathed, and finally it became too cold to bear.

“Let’s get something to drink,” Gerard said, and Frank grinned as a gloved hand slipped into his.

“Sounds good.” They walked into Starbucks, sighing happily at the blanket of heat that greeted them as they opened the door. Standing in line, Frank turned to look at Gerard. He looked happy, Frank couldn’t help but notice. A small smile crept on Frank’s face as he stared at him. Gerard was looking over at the menu, biting his lower lip and wiggling his nose. Gerard must have noticed his glance because his head turned, and he looked at Frank.

“What?”

“Nothing. You look good.” The lady in front of them in line paid, and Frank moved up. “What do you want?” he asked Gerard.

“What?”

“I’m buying. What do you want?” Gerard shook his head.

“No, don’t. I can pay for myself.”

“I know you can, but I haven’t seen you in months. You should take advantage of it. I doubt I’ll be this nice for long.” Gerard sighed, and then looked at the lady behind the cash register.

“Grande hot chocolate, please.”

“Whipped cream?” the lady asked. Gerard nodded, and she turned to look at Frank. “And for you?”

“Grande caramel apple spice latte with whipped cream, please.”

“Name?”

“Frank.” Frank paid, and they went to stand around and wait. “So, spill. How’s Harvard? Has anything new and exciting happened? Have you replaced me yet?” The last question was asked a bit of a joke, but Frank had been worried about that. What if Gerard found a new best friend and he was left behind?

“Oh, yeah. First thing I did was replace you,” Gerard replied blithely. Frank scowled, and Gerard squeezed his shoulder. “Don’t worry so much, Frankie. You’re irreplaceable.” Of course, Gerard meant it platonically, but a small smile stuttered back on Frank’s face. They grabbed their drinks, and Frank took a sip, feeling warmth that had nothing to do with the liquid.

“Good. You’ll be pleased to know that I haven’t found anyone irritating enough yet to replace you,” Frank teased, and Gerard rolled his eyes. They both took another sip, and Gerard jumped slightly, his eyes widening.

“Oh, I actually do have something exciting to tell you! So, I met this girl, and we’ve been friends for a while…”

“Katelynne?” Gerard had mentioned her before in a message or two. Gerard nodded.

“Yeah. I’m kind of obvious, huh?” It was Frank’s turn to nod. “Well, I think I’m going to ask her out after break. I’m pretty sure she likes me too.” He smirked, and Frank managed to put on a stiff sort of look of happiness.

“Congrats!” He’d learned to act by now, and as Gerard spent the next half an hour talking about her, Frank felt himself slowly starting to crumple. No matter how many times he heard this, it hurt. Every single time he was reminded – it would never be him.

oOoOoOoOo

It had been amazing to see Gerard again. Frank had almost forgotten that things were different and that in a little while, they would be separated and stuck talking minimally through Facebook. Sure enough, when they finally said goodbye, Frank felt a certain ache, and he clutched him close. About a week after they had gone back, Frank received a text, ‘SHE SAID YES!!!’ and he gritted his teeth. At least he could break down without having to worry about Gerard seeing. Still, a part of him just wished he could be happy for his best friend.

When it came close to spring break, he started counting down the days, barely waiting to see Gerard’s face. There were times when he’d be reading passages from his books, and realize he had blanked for the past few pages. It had never been this hard before. Yet spring break didn’t go exactly as planned.

oOoOoOoOo

Frank hadn’t been this drunk in a while. He could barely stand straight, and his head felt detached. Still, after staring at the beer bottle for a moment longer, he shrugged and took another swig. Gerard laughed and his head bobbed up and down to the song before he belched and started singing along.

“You’re adorable when you do that,” Frank said, laughing. It was true. Gerard looked like a puppy with that smile on his face.

“You’re ridiculous.” Gerard still smirked at him before shaking his head. Frank took another sip of the beer and winced at the taste.

“I think he’d be honored to hear that. We really should visit him in New York sometime.” Alicia had come down to visit his family every so often, and Mikey had come with him, but Mikey had little attaching him to Lima. They often came during three-day weekends or times when it was less crowded. Frank hadn’t had a chance to see them since summer, although, if their pictures and almost vomit inducing yet adorable Facebook posts on each other’s Walls, they were still happily together.

“Yeah, we should.” He hummed along to the song until its end before turning to Frank. He had a weird sort of look on his face. “Remember when we made out that one time?” Frank stiffened, feeling some of the warmth fade from him as his smile slid off of his face.

“Well, that’s an odd thing to bring up.” Gerard wildly waved his hands in front of him.

“No, don’t get me wrong. It’s just I think that was last time we were drunk around each other excluding the grad party.” Frank thought that over for a moment, and he pulled his legs closer to him, hoping it wasn’t obvious how suddenly nervous he felt. His hands were trembling.

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” He licked his lips, remembering how it had tasted to kiss Gerard.

“Frank…”

“Hmm?”

“Have you kissed anyone since you and Jamia broke up?” Frank paused before shaking his head. “Damn. How do you survive?”

“I dunno.” Frank shrugged his shoulders, but his eyes avoided Gerard’s. This wasn’t really a conversational path he wanted to go down. Some unknown song played in the background, filling up the silence for a moment.

“I haven’t kissed Katelynne in a while either. She left for home early.” Frank nodded, though he wasn’t really sure where this conversation was leading.

“Oh.” Maybe it was best to just say as little as possible. The song continued, and both of them sat, fiddling with their cans of beer.

“Hey, Frank…” Gerard finally broke the silence.

“Yeah?”

“Can we make out?” Frank blinked, unsure he had actually heard right. There was no way… He turned to look at Gerard, and bit his lip.

“What?” Gerard’s face fell.

“Nothing – that was stupid. I just thought that we’re both drunk and horny, and there’s no one else around, and – I dunno. Just ignore me. I’m not making sense. That was stupid. I’m stupid.” Frank shook his head. A part of him screamed that this was a horrible idea, but he shoved that back.

“No, I completely agree,” he said, scooting closer. Gerard’s face pulled back up into a grin as Frank pressed up against him. A shiver rode through both of them, and Frank leaned forward, pressing their lips together. It was like three years ago. The taste of alcohol lingered, and as Frank’s tongue pried Gerard’s open, Gerard groaned, his hand wrapping itself in Frank’s hair and tugging lightly. Their tongues pressed together, and Frank whimpered, letting Gerard trace his lower lip. Slowly he bit down on it, and Frank squirmed, his own hand reaching down to Gerard’s thigh and squeezing.

Gerard pulled back, chuckling darkly before leaning in again, this time his lips on Frank’s neck. His teeth slowly bit down, causing slight pain. Of course, that faded as Gerard’s tongue lapped at the sensitive skin. It dipped down to Frank’s collar bone, and Frank let himself fall limply against the way for support. Gerard shifted so that he was straddling Frank, and Frank’s eyes shut. This was heaven.

oOoOoOoOo

They hadn’t gotten further than kissing, but Frank lay there awake long after Gerard had passed out. It kept on replaying in his head. He could taste Gerard; feel the flimsy hands pulling at his hair. The next day had been painful; Frank was fairly sure Gerard remembered, though he never mentioned it once. They still hung out, though every day of vacation, occasionally with some of the other guys.

College came back too fast, and summer did as well. They finally saw Alicia and Mikey, and they were as in love as always. It was something Frank never failed to envy. They days passed by quickly and were filled with bathing suits and ice cream. But, of course, that couldn’t last forever either. School went back in session eventually, and Gerard and Katelynne ended up breaking up.

It wasn’t until winter break of their sophomore year that anything worth mentioning happened. As always, it started with alcohol. This time it was at a party. The group had a giant get-together at Ray’s house, and the night progressed with drunken karaoke and drinking games.

OOoOoOoOo

“I’m hungry. You’re out of chips,” Frank complained, staring forlornly at the empty bag of BBQ chips.

“There should be some more in the kitchen. Just go up, and you should be able to find them.” Frank stumbled towards the stairs, and Gerard tagged behind him.

“I’m hungry too.” Frank nodded, and the two of them pulled themselves up the stairs, giggling. They made it to the kitchen, and Frank threw open cabinets, trying to find more chips. They seemed to be nowhere; his stomach gave an appropriate growl.

“Where are the damn chips?” Frank asked, pouting and facing Gerard. Gerard leaned back against the counter, and Frank couldn’t help but stare at him. The way he was leaning against it so openly was… tempting. Frank licked his lips, and Gerard laughed, winking at him, though only jokingly.

A moment before he kissed Gerard, it registered in his head. Gerard jerked forward in surprise, but Frank felt him relax the moment he started kneading the other boy’s lower lip between his teeth. He pushed Gerard backwards, ignoring the protesting sound from him as he was pressed against a cabinet. Frank’s fingers slipped under Gerard’s shirt, trailing against the skin. The warmth of the alcohol couple with the intoxicating effect he was having on Gerard was enough to make his pants suddenly feel tight.

Gerard pressed closer to Frank, and Frank gasped as he felt one of Gerard’s teeth scrape against his lip, cutting it open. Blood seeped in as well, and Frank pulled back, panting, lifting Gerard’s shirt. Both of them were beyond reason. The haze in Gerard’s eyes was unmistakable, and for a moment Frank hesitated.

“Frank…” The way Gerard moaned his name erased any doubt, and he slid the shirt to the floor, trembling. He stared at the other’s expression for a moment before leaning forward, kissing his Adam’s apple. It bobbed up and down as Gerard’s swallowed, and Frank’s lips trailed downward. For a moment he shook before taking a pert nipple into his mouth, his tongue swirling lightly around it. Every sound coming out of Gerard’s mouth made it worth it, and his hand slid down, taking the other one and tweaking it between his fingers.

Pulling back, he licked his lips and placed a quick kiss on Gerard’s lips before going down on his knees. The bulge in Gerard’s pants was noticeable, and Frank leaned in, wrapping his mouth around it through the rough fabric. Gerard moaned, bucking his hips, and Frank pulled back, unzipping and unbuttoning the jeans. He watched with a sort of satisfaction as he tugged and they fell to the ground. Hooking his fingers around Gerard’s boxer-briefs, he pulled them to the ground, and stared, his jaw slack as Gerard’s cock sprang free.

This was the moment he’d been dreaming of for as long as he could remember. Tentatively, afraid it the moment would pop like a bubble, he leaned forward, letting his breath ghost over Gerard’s cock. “Quit teasing,” he heard Gerard mutter out from above him. Frank leaned forward, taking it into his mouth. Gerard tensed, and Frank’s hands came up just in time to hold back his hips. He could feel them jerk forward under his hands.

Frank’s tongue ran over the slit, shuddering as he tasted Gerard. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t particularly appealing. What mattered was that it was Gerard. He moved downward, willing his throat to relax. He felt the tip brush up against the back of his throat and pulled back, though not without clenching against it, making Gerard shudder underneath him. Gerard’s hands reached out, and they painfully pulled at Frank’s hair. He guided Frank’s mouth back down, letting out a small moan.

As Frank bobbed up and down, he hollowed his cheeks and sucked, his hands leaving Gerard’s hips, and his fingers trailed down the insides of his thighs. Gerard trembled beneath him, and when one hand went up, cupping Gerard’s balls, he could tell by how tense he was, that he was close.

Frank pulled back with a pop, his hand wrapping around the base before he traced a vein on the underside. Gerard jerked upward as Frank’s lips wrapped around the tip again. Frank’s eyes shot up as Gerard froze, his hand moving back, his fingers clenching the countertop, and his mouth open. Gerard's face as he came undone made Frank moan as he pulled back slightly, tasting the bitter-salty fluid. Though he sputtered, he pulled back, managing to swallow it all, soaking in every moment of Gerard leaned back, supporting himself on the counter.

The moment, however, did not last long. Gerard’s head suddenly snapped up after a minute, and he looked at Frank, the haze gone. His eyes radiated nothing but panic, fear, and disgust. And it nearly broke Frank’s heart. “Fuck!” Gerard stumbled backwards, reaching down and pulling at his boxer-briefs and pants. He leaned down and grabbed his shirt, his eyes wide as he distanced himself. “No, this can’t have happened. Fuck.” Before Frank could even pull himself up, he was slipping his shirt over his head and running out the front door.

oOoOoOoOo

Gerard avoided him after that. Every call went to voicemail, and every text was left ignored. Frank even went to Gerard’s house, but his parents told him, their eyes betraying their lie, that Gerard was out. When school started again, there was little he could do. Frank found time to send Gerard an e-mail every day, begging him to just listen to him, and he developed the habit of checking his phone to make sure he hadn’t missed a texts or message from Gerard. Every time he hadn’t, he found he still had more room for disappointment.

So, the first three-day weekend he was free, Frank got in his car and drove down to Cambridge. The drive was painful and took almost an entire day. It also wasted precious gas money, but he knew if he could save his friendship, it would be worth it.

It took a while after he got there even to find Gerard, and by the time he did, he was exhausted. But even within exhaustion, he couldn’t help but feel something flare up within himself. It took some convincing before they ended up in Gerard’s dorm room.

oOoOoOoOo

“Why did you come here?” Gerard’s voice was harsh, and he looked at Frank as if he didn’t have the time for this.

“Because I care…”

“Bullshit.” Gerard glanced down at his watch and continued pacing the room.

“Listen to you! You dumped me, Gerard!”

“We were never dating,” Gerard spat out, rounding on Frank and looking almost venomous. It wasn’t a look that Frank had ever seen before, and he slunk back against the bed, feeling his eyes prickle.

“We’ve known each other since we were six. Fourteen years… And now you want to throw it away on some stupid thing that happened.” Gerard let out a bitter laugh.

“It isn’t just some stupid thing. You gave me a blowjob. You actually –“There was an edge of disgust again, and he continued pacing. Frank barely bit back, ‘And you enjoyed it.’ Somehow he figured it’d get him in more trouble.

“I’m scared, Gerard. I want you to hug me and I want to stay up until four AM watching horror movies and pretending we’re not scared. I want to be able to have someone to talk to. I just want my best friend back.” His voice was low and desperate. A look of understanding flickered in Gerard’s eyes before disappearing.

“Too bad. You wasted your money on me. Now go home.” Frank felt tears sting at his eyes, and he looked away from Gerard, taking a shuddering breath.

“Did everything we’ve gone to really mean that little to you?” Gerard paused, and Frank broke down. He had known what they had done was wrong. He had known not to do it, yet he had anyway.

“I-” Gerard stared at him helplessly, and Frank pulled his legs up to his chest, his eyes squeezing shut.

“I can’t do this. I can’t lose you. You’re my best friend.” He felt himself go limp, and his head rested on his knees. His throat seemed to be blocked, and each breath came out as a shivering gasp. Frank felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up. Gerard stood there, biting his lower lip, all looks of condescension and disgust wiped off his face. In its place were concern and compassion, and Frank’s heart, which had previously felt as if it had been squeezed into a fist, slowly started to tremble with hope.

“I couldn’t read your messages or listen to your voicemails or anything. I knew if I heard you break down, I wouldn’t be able to run away,” Gerard finally admitted before sitting down next to Frank and pulling him into a hug. “I don’t like you like that, Frankie. You’re the best friend I have, and I don’t want to ruin everything because we can’t stay away from each other when we’re drunk.”

Frank nodded, and his breath caught in his throat as Gerard reached down, their fingers lacing together.

“My Gee,” he muttered, sniffling and wiping away his tears with the sleeve of his shirt.

“My Frankie,” Gerard agreed.

OOoOoOoOo

They managed to work things out after that. For whatever reason, Gerard still seemed oblivious to his crush. Of course, Frank felt like Gerard might be repressing the idea. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t made it painfully obvious already. In any case, they caught up, and Frank heard about Gerard’s new girlfriend, Lindsey. The weekend seemed to fly by so quickly, and despite the insane amount he had to pay for gas overall, it was definitely worth it.

A couple of weeks after that, Frank received a call in the middle of the night.

OOoOoOoOo

It was two AM when his phone went off. Frank picked it up, his eyes glancing over to Ryan, who was amazingly still fast asleep. The caller ID said that it was Gerard. He opened the phone, but before he could even get an ‘I love you’ out, Gerard was babbling.

“It’s been too long since we’ve kissed.” Oh, he was absolutely wasted. That much was obvious from the way his words slurred together. Frank listened though with a catch in his throat. “I miss you. I – I love you. Am I allowed to say that yet? Because I do. I love you. I love you.” He shook, biting his lower lip. What was Gerard trying to say? Still, Frank found he couldn’t speak.

“I love your laugh and the tiny crinkle you get between your eyes whenever you smile. You’re ridiculous.” Frank was surprised he could still hold the phone properly.

“You’re amazing, Lindsey.” Frank froze, swallowing thickly. No, it wasn’t him. Why would it ever be him Gerard was interested in?

“Gerard, it’s me.” There was a pause followed by a laugh.

“Oh, sorry, Frank. I forgot I took you off of speed-dial. Well, that’s awkward.” Frank couldn’t reply in time. After he had heard the laughs of others, there was a dial tone.

oOoOoOoOo

Frank met Tyler his junior year about half-way through. Although, met was used loosely. Apparently they had shared a fair few amount of classes for the past few years. It wasn’t until Tyler lost his book in Microbiology that they started talking, though.

Like Frank, Tyler had a crush that never worked for him. And, like Frank, he was gay. It took a while, but the more they talked, the more they found in common – a shared love for various movies and books and music. It was basically a love equation written to happen. So, when Tyler asked him out, Frank said yes.

While Gerard was happy that Frank had someone, there were also things he didn’t like about it.

oOoOoOoOo

“Why didn’t you tell me you were gay?” Frank could tell that his voice was clipped, and he could imagine that his brow was furrowed. It tended to do that when he got angry.

“I – I never thought it would be this big of an issue.” So, that was a lie, but Gerard couldn’t really know the truth. What was he supposed to say? ‘So, hey, actually, I’ve been pining after you for years. Now, carry on.’ Somehow that didn’t seem fitting.

“What do you mean? Of course it is! It’s part of who you are, Frank. I don’t know why you wouldn’t tell me. I’m perfectly fine with it. You know I’d never judge you.”

“I know. I know. I just – I don’t know what I thought.” His thumb played with the creases on the comforter he was sitting on, and he sighed. What if Gerard started making correlations between their previous late-night ‘adventures’ and his sexuality?

“But this is your first boyfriend?” Frank nodded before realizing Gerard couldn’t hear him.

“Yeah.”

“Jesus. How long have you known?” The truth stuck in his throat, and he wished Gerard was there next to him so that he could start crying and shaking his head and Gerard would drop it.

“I’ve had some idea since I was nine,” he finally croaked out.

“Nine? Well, fuck, Frank. That’s twelve years. You didn’t think to say anything to me once?” Frank sniffed and pressed his face into the pillow for a second, taking a deep, steadying breath.

“I’m sorry.” There was a long pause before Gerard spoke, and Frank checked his phone to make sure the connection hadn’t had died.

“Look, Lindsey’s coming over soon. I’ll talk to you later. But I just need some time… okay? I can’t believe you – We’ll just talk about this later.”

oOoOoOoOo

A few weeks before graduation, he and Tyler broke up. It turned out that they weren’t a match made for each other, as Frank had hoped. The break-up was mutual, and they both decided that while they did love each other to a certain extent, they weren’t in love with each other. Frank’s mind was still Gerard-centric, and Tyler still thought about his friend-crush, Caleb, all the time.

Graduation came. Gerard had just graduated a few days prior, and was planning on continuing his path at Harvard. He wanted to be a lawyer. By this point, Gerard had decided he wanted to teach biology at high school. He was going to UCLA, all across the country. A part of him knew it wouldn’t be as easy to go home, and he wouldn’t see Gerard more often. Still, that was shoved to the back of his mind with graduation.

Gerard came for graduation, and the night after, the two of them decided to go to a bar close to the hotel at which Gerard was staying. Frank was careful not to drink too much, unsure what the results would be. Gerard, however, didn’t seem to hold those fears, and after a few shots, he was dancing wildly to the music, absolutely plastered.

oOoOoOoOo

“You look like an electrocuted monkey,” Frank said, laughing at Gerard and leaning back against the chair. His friend had his hands up and was waving them about in rhythm to the song. Though he was a fairly good dancer sober, he lacked all capabilities whilst intoxicated.

“Shuddup. As if you could dance better.” Frank put his drink down and got up, moving closer to Gerard. He’d always been a good dancer, and he quickly lost himself in the rhythm, his head swaying a bit as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. Though his arms were loose, they didn’t sway about dangerously like Gerard’s did. Gerard scanned him up and down before pouting. “Show off.”

“You know it.” Frank winked at him.

“Hey, Frankie…” Gerard had really taken an affinity to calling him that while drunk.

“Yeah?” Gerard moved closer, his fingers grazing against Frank’s lower back.

“Can I kiss you?” Frank felt that same little flutter inside of him, and he shook his head.

“No, you can’t.”

“But Frankie! I’ve kissed your face before.” The whine in his voice made him sound like a little kid, and it didn’t help that as he stopped attempting to dance and faced Frank, his bangs flopped down in front of his eyes. His lower lip jutted out, and Frank smiled sadly at him. “Why can’t I kiss you?”

“Because if you do, you’ll regret it in the morning, and you won’t want to talk to me. It’s happened before, remember?” Part of him wanted to tell Gerard ‘never mind’ and let the black haired man kiss him, but he knew what that would lead to. He’d been down that road before, and it wasn’t a place he particularly wanted to go back to.

“But don’t you love me?” The question was harmless, but it still made Frank turn away, swallowing thickly. Gerard obliviousness hurt, and as much as he wanted to turn to him and say that he did, that wouldn’t ever lead to a happily-ever-after.

“You’re my best friend,” Frank finally whispered. Gerard scooted forward, and the two of them were pressed together. Underneath the bangs, Frank could see wide, brown eyes staring at him. As he reached out to push away, Gerard grabbed his hands, squeezing. Frank sighed, and leaned into Gerard, though his mind screaming over and over again – this is a bad idea.

Gerard leaned forward, and Frank found himself doing the same. Their lips met, and the music seemed to swell around them. Frank’s eyes closed as he felt Gerard’s tongue breech through and taste his lower lip. Frank groaned at the touch, and Gerard’s arms wrapped around him. One hand reached up, fingers splayed, running through his hair. With Gerard pressed that closely against him, he couldn’t think, and Frank let his hand go up, cupping Gerard’s cheek.

Gerard’s hips jerked upward, and as he arched into Frank, Frank shuddered. His hands dipped down, and he moved back, biting at Gerard’s neck. Grabbing onto one of Gerard’s hands, he trailed it downward, and let them both brush against the bulge in his pants. Even if he was the one guiding him, the feel of Gerard’s hand against him like that was indescribably amazing. Gerard chuckled, getting the gist of it, and palmed Frank through his clothes.

“Fuck…” Frank mewled and his lips went back to Gerard’s. Their tongues pressed together, wrestling, and their teeth scraped together.

“Hotel?” Gerard asked, pulling back for a second.

“I thought you’d never ask.” They ran out of the bar, their hands all over each other. Frank could feel the adrenaline course through him. A small, nagging part in the back of his mind worried about what was going on, but as Gerard laughed and squeezed his ass, those thoughts ebbed away.

Frank wasn’t sure how they managed to make it up to the room, but when the door finally slammed shut behind them; they stumbled backwards onto the bed. Gerard was immediately reaching for Frank’s shirt and pulling it over his head. Frank groaned and reached for Gerard’s. His fingers trailed down Gerard’s chest, and he felt a shiver go through him at the sense of déjà vu.

Gerard stared at him for a moment before unbuttoning Gerard’s shorts and pulling them out from underneath him before letting them fall to the ground. Frank hissed as his boxer-briefs were finally pulled down to the ground as well, and his cock sprung free. Gerard, however, drew back, ridding himself of clothing as well. Whimpering at the lack of contact, he instead looked down, biting his lip, his heart thudding against his chest.

“Flip over. On your hands and knees.” Frank wordlessly did as he was told and heard the sound of Gerard spitting on his fingers. There was barely enough time to mentally prepare himself before he felt something slowly prodding at him. His muscles clenched, and Gerard’s hand reached up, soothing drawing circles on his back. It wasn’t quite enough, and as the finger slowly eased in, Frank whimpered into the pillow. Gerard paused at the knuckle before sliding his finger the rest of the way in.

Soon a second and a third finger was added. Gerard languidly stroked him, and Frank bit his lip. It hurt like hell. Maybe with lube it would’ve been manageable, but this was hell. The spit dried out quickly it felt, and it was only Gerard’s whisper – “Relax for me” – that kept him going. His fingers wrapped around the blanket beneath him, and tears swam down his face. All he could do was be happy that this wasn’t his first time and he at least had been stretched out before.

Gerard experimentally changed angles, and Frank felt him graze against his prostate. Warmth bubbled in his stomach again, and he arched upwards, still sniffling, though his fingers relaxed. Gerard pulled out, and Frank was about to complain when he heard Gerard spitting again. Something much larger prodded at him. Gerard sheathed himself in, and Frank couldn’t help but let out a quiet whimper of pain.

There was a minute to adjust, and then Gerard grabbed his shoulders pulling out. Gerard let out a small moan. “So fucking tight.” He felt on fire, but Gerard was quick to change that. He shifted; alternating angles until Frank suddenly felt it spark inside of him again. He shuddered and moved backwards in time with Gerard’s thrust.

Gerard kept that, his fingers squeezing around Frank’s fingers as he set a quick pace. Each thrust was accompanied by some sort of a small noise, and it filled the stiff, sticky air of the hotel room. Frank couldn’t think. One hand reached up, wrapping itself around his cock, and he stroked in time with each thrust. His stomach clenched and the warmth was starting to spread down him completely.

Gerard was the first to come. His fingers suddenly clawed into him, painfully so, and Gerard was letting out a choked moan. Frank felt something warm fill him, and Gerard weakly managed to continue thrusting throughout it, milking himself. Frank’s hand sped up, almost fervently, and he felt himself start to clench. It took a minute or two more – at which point Gerard was weakly leaning against him – but finally he felt himself come undone as well. He came onto his hand and his chest, biting down on his lower lip.

When he had finally come down, Gerard pulled out, falling back on the bed. Frank curled up next to him, his eyes shutting. For a moment, everything was perfect, and then he fell asleep.

oOoOoOoOo

They had a long argument after they had woken up. Frank had done so first, thankfully, and he was sure Gerard would’ve run away had he been the first. Frank wasn’t sure he had ever yelled that much or been that shaken. Gerard knew how he felt. It was finally out in the open, and it scared the hell out of him.

oOoOoOoOo

“How long?” Gerard demanded, and Frank turned away, his eyes clenched shut. “How fucking long have you like me?” Gerard had never been this harsh with him. But behind the imposing, uncharacteristic demeanor, there was fear in Gerard’s voice as well.

“Since I’ve known I was gay,” Frank finally muttered, and Gerard let out a bitter laugh.

“You never told me once. Never even… God.” Frank glanced over to see Gerard running his fingers through his hair, looking stressed. “How can I trust you? You don’t tell me anything.”

“I don’t know.” Frank had no answer to give him, no magic thing he could say to somehow make this situation better.

“I want to make one thing clear,” Gerard said, looking Frank straight in the eyes. His lip curled back in disgust, and Frank blinked rapidly, wishing his damn tears would go away. “I don’t like you like that. We’ve messed around, yeah? But that’s all it is to me. I don’t want to send you the wrong impression. Hell, I don’t think I’m more than bi-curious.” Frank nodded mutely, feeling himself crystallize and shatter. It was one thing to know it. It was a completely other matter to hear those words coming out of Gerard’s mouth.

“I know. That’s partly why I never told you,” Frank admitted, shivering. He ached, and he wanted things to go back to how they had been yesterday before anything had happened. There was a pause before Gerard finally spoke again.

“I love you. But –“

“Don’t,” Frank croaked.

“Only like a brother.” Frank sobbed, and pulled himself tighter together wishing he could simply compress like a black hole and fade away.

“Don’t.”

“No, you need to hear this.” Gerard’s voice was firm, and he walked up to Frank, glaring down at him. “You’re always the one telling me I need to shut up and listen, and now it’s your turn. I’m straight. You’re not a bad kisser, and I won’t deny I haven’t enjoyed some of what we’ve done, but it’s never meant anything to me the way it’s meant to you.” Frank pulled himself in even more, whimpering as if he had been hit. He couldn’t help but think that he was pathetic.

oOoOoOoOo

Gerard left, and Frank went back to Belleville for the summer. Gerard visited Lindsey instead, and a week later Frank saw on Facebook that they had gotten engaged. Gerard hadn’t even bothered to tell him face to face. When Frank attempted to confront him about it, Gerard’s only response was: “Well, you never told me anything important. Why should I tell you?”

The days seemed to drag by, and there were times where he wouldn’t want to pull himself out of bed. The others tried to pry what was wrong out of him at first, but after a while, their texts and messages stopped flowing in, and they didn’t try to pull him out of his house. Even his parents gave up eventually, letting him close himself off in his room.

Never had Frank been happier to leave. Time and distance was surely what he needed, and when he stumbled into UCLA, he was happy when he met Andrew.

oOoOoOoOo

Frank felt someone tap his shoulder, and he jumped. He stumbled a bit, and was glad to find his footing. Falling down the staircase would not only be painful but rather embarrassing. After all, it was absolutely crowded.

“Sorry, you just looked like you knew where you were going. Do you have any clue how to get to the bio building? I have a class on population genetics…” Frank had already been there for a few days, and he had started to get used to the campus. In fact, he had that class on his schedule as well.

“Yeah, sure thing.”

“Sorry, I’m new here. You a sophomore or…”

“Freshman. I just came a few days ago.” The other boy blinked at him and then smiled.

“Oh my God, how rude of me. I’m Andrew, by the way. Or Andy or Ands or whatever. Just not Andy-Pooh. Someone gave me that name as a joke, and somehow it stuck, and now I’m just babbling and giving you ideas. I should shut up.” He grinned sheepishly and stuck out a hand.

“Franklin. Frank.” ‘Just not Frankie…’ he almost added.

“Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.”

oOoOoOoOo

They didn’t start dating until a few months later. They had eventually found out that both of them were gay, and they hung out more and more. Frank hadn’t felt this relaxed with anyone since a while ago with Gerard. They talked constantly, and Frank had told him everything about Gerard.

Things by that point had simmered down with Gerard. Their relationship had never been this strained before, but at least one still existed. The first time they saw each other was almost uncomfortable, and shortly after that, Frank received his letter inviting him to Gerard’s wedding.

Andrew went as his date, and they had fun. Frank got a chance to introduce him to all the guys from high school, and they all gave their vote of approval. Andrew was witty and sweet, and he had a decent voice on top of it all. Frank felt like he might have been getting over everything.

That was until Gerard drunkenly kissed him.

oOoOoOoOo

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Frank pulled back, his hand going to his lips. He had helped Gerard get up to get some more beer for the bachelor party. Things had seemed normal again. Yet his skin tingled with the kiss.

“Why are you complaining, Frankie? You know you love me?” He battered his eyelashes before pouting. “Besides, it’s my last night of freedom. I’ll kiss whoever I damn please.”

“Gerard, you don’t like me like that. I’m getting over you. Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Gerard’s face contorted into a look of anger.

“You didn’t seem to mind it last time we kissed. In fact, I remember you moaning quite a bit.” Frank flushed and shoved him.

“Fuck you.”

“Been there, done that. Wasn’t really all it was said to be, to be honest.” He smirked and Frank pushed away, taking a few paces back before staring out the kitchen. It took a moment, but suddenly he heard footsteps and felt Gerard’s hand on his shoulder.

“Get off.” Frank’s voice was weak, and his attempt to shove Gerard off was only half-hearted.

“Frank, Frank, I’m sorry.” He felt two arms around him, and suddenly he was pressed against Gerard’s chest, shaking. This time there were no tears, but silence still overtook them as Gerard rocked him back and forth.

oOoOoOoOo

They managed a fairly normal relationship until about a year after the wedding. Gerard and Lindsey were about as happy as could be, and Frank liked her. He also still was with Andrew. Frank had admitted to kissing Gerard, though he never mentioned how it changed his feelings – how he suddenly felt like he was back to square one.

However, almost exactly after a year, they met up again. Frank should’ve known it was a bad idea to get drunk. That was how it always started. Still, they had managed to get drunk several times in the meantime without a single incident. Yet this time it was just the two of them in the house, and one thing lead to another.

It didn’t end at kissing either. They shed their clothes and fucked like desperate animals. Afterwards, when Gerard had fallen asleep, Frank lay there.

oOoOoOoOo

He hadn’t felt this empty in a while. A part of him wondered why it hurt so much. He had just had sex with Gerard. But that was the problem, wasn’t it? No matter what happened, Gerard didn’t like him like that. Perhaps it was using him – that was what Andrew had suggested.

His stomach churned. Andrew. How could he do this to the other boy? There was no doubt in his mind that Andrew was in love with him. And yet here he was, naked and pressed against Gerard. His eyes darted up to the night stand. There was a ring glinting there – Gerard’s wedding ring.

Frank felt as if he was going to throw up. This was all wrong. But he still felt something for Gerard. He was not going to get over him as easily as he had hoped.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered to no one in particular.

oOoOoOoOo

They kept it up. Sometimes they’d have sex. They stopped needing alcohol for it. And yet Frank knew Gerard didn’t like him like that. And Gerard knew that Frank did like him like that. They both knew about Andrew and Lindsey, and yet they did it anyway. Frank couldn’t help but think that they were a prime example of human selfishness.

Time passed. Frank graduated and began teaching. Andrew worked in a lab on marine biology. Gerard was a successful lawyer and made more money than he knew what to do with. The group had identities that replaced that of their high school and college ones. They were responsible adults.

Though late at night when he was lying down, his arms wrapped around Gerard, at times he doubted that he was anything more than a teenager. What kind of an adult would understand the consequences and still leap at it?

They were thirty when Gerard called him in tears.

oOoOoOoOo

“Lindsey found out. I don’t know how.”

“What?” Frank looked over at Andrew – who now lived with him – and walked out of the room. “How did she… Well, shit.” Though inside he felt like screaming and hitting himself, the managed a whisper, afraid of what Andrew would do if he found out.

“That’s not all.”

“Oh?” His stomach knotted, and suddenly the pasta Andrew had made seemed unappetizing in his mind.

“She wants a divorce.” Shit. They had managed to screw things up worse than they thought possible, hadn’t they?

“I’m so sorry,” Frank said, pulling at his shirt and biting his lip. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.” He could hear the sniffles, and all he wanted to do was hold Gerard close to him.

“Frank is everything okay?” he heard from the kitchen. Andrew’s voice did nothing to calm him down; if anything, he felt more agitated.

“Yeah,” he lied. It was always lies, wasn’t it?

“Do you need me? I can take a day off work. I have some money saved up. I was going to use it to –“Gerard didn’t let him finish.

“No. Frank, I don’t want you playing a hero. You’re not – You know I don’t…” Frank’s heart broke. If Gerard at least liked him, this would seem more worth the heartache it would undoubtedly lead to.

“I know,” he replied, falling back on the couch.

oOoOoOoOo

As it turned out, Andrew broke up with him too. He had known as well, it seemed about what was going on. Frank had never hurt more than when he saw Andrew break down in front of him. Knowing that he had willingly caused this pain tore him apart. Because while he wasn’t in love with Andrew, it was as close as Frank felt he would ever be. But the way he had hurt Andrew was unforgivable.

oOoOoOoOo

“You think I’m an idiot? All those trips you take…” Frank tried to reach out for him.

“Baby, I didn’t mean to –“

“To what? Fuck him?” Frank bristled up; though he knew he deserved it.

“Please. I’m sorry.” He just wanted the pain to go away. He wanted everything to be like it was before Gerard had kissed him at the bachelor party. He wanted to be numb, and he wanted to love Andrew like he loved Gerard. Most of all, he wanted things to be simple and happy.

How naïve.

“You think sorry is going to cut it? I love you. And every time I had to sit there, knowing you was leaving me for him. Knowing the moment he called you, you’d turned your back on me.” He sobbed. “I can’t do this anymore, Frank. I can’t.” Frank’s hand reached out, and Andrew flinched back.

“I’m sorry.” Frank didn’t know what to say to him. There was nothing that could make things right or erase time.

“I love you, Frank, and every time you don’t love me back, and it breaks me a little more.”

Frank finally understood that he had done to Andrew what Gerard had done to him. He had turned his back on him, used him, and played with him, when really he didn’t care about him in that way. And it made him sick. How much energy and how many emotions had been spent on Gerard? How many times had he wished he’d never kissed him at that one game of truth or dare?

Yet he had pulled the same trick.

“I’m going for a walk. When I get back, I’m packing,” was all Andrew said before running out the door and slamming it behind him. Frank didn’t even bother chasing after him.

oOoOoOoOo

They were thirty-seven and alone. Of course, alone didn’t really apply. They had each other. They still fucked, but it was never anything more. Had someone asked him twenty years ago what he would have given to be like this, he would’ve said anything? Now he would’ve given anything to make it stop.

oOoOoOoOo

Gerard’s arm was wrapped around him, yet Frank leaned as far out of it as he could. The sheets covered them both, though it felt too warm and clung to them – the sweat making it stick. Gerard was still awake if his breathing was anything to go by. And by now Frank had a fairly good gauge on when Gerard was sleeping and when he was faking. Though, at the moment, he was doing neither.

Frank flipped himself over to face Gerard, and was met by a sad pair of brown eyes. For a few minutes they simply stared at each other. Gerard sighed, and his breath blew in Frank’s face. The two of them would’ve giggled immaturely at the way Frank’s hair slightly moved with it. Once upon a time things like that were funny. Now it took a lot to make them laugh.

Gerard closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. Frank reached out and grabbed his hand, which he found surprisingly limp. Gerard had no drive left in him. His work was what kept him going, and he was still successful. And as much as Frank loved teaching children, his life outside of that was equally as miserable.

Pulling himself closer, he placed a light kiss on Gerard’s lips. Gerard didn’t respond; though he didn’t push him back either. He never pushed him back anymore.

“Hey, Gerard.” Gerard’s eyes opened, and he stared at Frank, waiting for him to continue. “Lie to me.” For a moment, Gerard’s face was clouded with confusion. Slowly, however, a look of understanding spread across, and he looked at Frank through tired eyes.

“I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked :D


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